Many people avoid relationships, but not many do not want them. Humans are inherently afraid of connections, yet they still desire to be linked with someone. The problem is “how.” Modern society does not teach us how to form relationships. While we instinctively want to become close, we have never learned how intimacy without emotional labor is possible.
To reconnect, one must first understand “distance.” All relationships have distance. If it is too close, it is an invasion; if too far, it is a disconnection. A healthy relationship arises not from a sense of distance but from the ability to adjust it. That is, one needs the sensitivity to become close while knowing how to maintain boundaries.
A crucial concept here is “boundaries.” The skill of conveying emotions to others without losing oneself. It is the ability to differentiate between emotional honesty and rudeness. Those who are often hurt in relationships usually have experienced broken boundaries. Someone who maintains boundaries is not pushing others away but practicing the minimal respect required for coexistence.
There is also a “skill” in relationships. It begins with the process of understanding oneself before understanding others. Knowing who I am, which relationships make me uncomfortable, what I fear, and where I struggle. That is truly the beginning of recovery.
Society also needs to create environments conducive to this recovery. Relationship education in schools, emotional communication training in workplaces, and community recovery spaces are examples. Instead of blaming isolated individuals, support structures should be in place to allow them to reconnect. It is more important to change the surrounding structure so that a person can come out on their own rather than dragging them out.
Connection should no longer be a means to an end but a goal in itself. A society where relationships are not competitive but restful. An environment where it feels safe to reveal oneself. A society that allows relationships to be a choice, not an obligation. These are the conditions under which we can restore our ability to form connections.
Modern individuals may be isolated not because of loneliness but may feel lonelier due to isolation. Now, we need a society where approaching someone is no longer a source of fear. Although the first step towards restoring relationships is still cautious, it will surely be a comfort to someone.
